“Arbors staff are wonderful! They are incredibly caring, professional and have true compassionate hearts for the beautiful work they do.” – Toni C
“Thank you to the staff at Sweetbriar. You have made a home for our mom; she is comfortable and now calls it her place. I applaud all that your staff does to help accommodate not only for our mom but the rest of the family as well. We’re all happy when mom is happy.” – Gary Wilson
“… From the moment you walk through the doors, it’s clear that they genuinely care about every residents and family members. Their leadership has created a warm, welcoming environment where residents are treated with dignity, compassion, and respect every single day….”- Bella
These are just a few of the comments we have heard and read from family members about the relief that they experience when they are able to feel comfortable in the knowledge that their loved ones are in safe and caring hands. In the first days of considering senior care, the process of decision making, and the initial move into a community care setting, many of the same people were dealing with caregiver guilt.
WHAT IS CAREGIVER GUILT?
Guilt can stem from a variety of reasons, however caregiver guilt in particular typically originates with a person’s expectations of what “should” be done for a loved one and the person’s inability to live up to those expectations. For instance, a loved one may believe that it is their role to take care of an ailing friend or kin, but obstacles such as work, children, or medical needs block the ability to physically provide the care needed.
Caregiver guilt is very common. It is often combined with feelings of anger or sadness. Caregiver guilt is usually followed by Compassion Fatigue or burnout. It can even cause resentment, feelings of loss, anxiety, stress, or depression. These feelings can in turn cause the care of a loved one to be lessened and thereby increase overall feelings of guilt. It can be a dangerous cycle.
MANAGING CAREGIVER GUILT
The first step of managing caregiver guilt is to recognize that it is a common emotion. Understand that the emotion of guilt—or feelings that may accompany guilt such as resentment, anger, burnout, etc.— does not mean you are inadequate. Be as compassionate to yourself as you are to your loved one.
Other ways you can manage caregiver guilt is to find the underlying cause of the feeling of guilt. Are you stretched too thin and can’t get everything done? Does your loved one need more care than you are able to provide? Do you miss being a child, friend, or spouse to your loved one rather than a caretaker? Do you just need a break? Any of these reasons could lead to feelings of guilt for caregivers. Exploring solutions to these issues will help you manage the guilt you may be feeling.
Care communities, and their caregivers, may help you in finding solutions to your situation and decreasing the initial causes of caregiver guilt. Below are three ways that care communities may help with avoiding compassion fatigue.
1. PROVIDING A RESPITE
Sometimes, the solution to caregiver guilt is just taking a much-needed, and much-deserved, break. Respite care is provided when caregivers need a short break all while knowing that their loved one is getting needed care and attention. Respite Care at a Radiant Senior Living community is designed to provide seniors a safe, supportive environment where their personal and health needs can be met by a skillful staff that is dedicated to caring for the needs of older adults.
Respite Care is a good option for home caregivers who are not having issues providing the amount or type of care needed, but who may need a vacation, time to deal with home needs, or time to focus on their own health and well-being for a short period. Typically, respite care is based on a care community’s availability and ability to meet care needs on a short-term basis.
Connecting with a local care community and being in communication with them about your loved one’s needs is the first step in finding respite stay availability.
2. ALLOW LOVED ONE TO GET NEEDED CARE, ENGAGEMENT, AND ATTENTION
When care needs become too much or engagement needs are not being met—if compassion fatigue hits or a caregiver simply needs to put themselves or situations first—then making the decision to share those care tasks with a care community may be the absolute best solution for a loved one.
Making the decision to move to a care community is not always an easy decision. Seeing a loved one thriving in a new situation, knowing that their care needs are being met, may help mitigate feelings of guilt. It may also allow a loved one to go back to their former role as spouse, family, friend, or child and enjoy their time with their loved one.
3. BEING PARTNERS IN CARE
One of the fears often brought up regarding senior living is the fear of losing the ability to help make care decisions for a loved one. Many home caregivers know a loved one’s desires and preferences. However, after moving in, many families realize that their new role in the care of their loved one is a much more sustainable and rewarding role. Care communities and resident loved ones have the ability to partner in care and advocacy!
Being able to provide a more fulfilling role as advocate and friend allows for loved ones to feel that they are helping to provide the best care for their loved one, without the feelings of guilt of not filling the role of child, spouse, family, or friend.
Connect with a Radiant Senior Living community near you to schedule your personalized tour and see how we can help take the weight off your shoulders.
Frequently Asked Questions About Caregiver Guilt and Senior Living
What is caregiver guilt?
Caregiver guilt is the feeling that you are not doing enough for a loved one, even when you are doing your best. It can happen when family caregivers feel they should be providing all of the care themselves but are unable to do so because of work, family responsibilities, health concerns, distance, or the increasing needs of their loved one.
Is caregiver guilt normal?
Yes. Caregiver guilt is a common experience, especially when a loved one’s care needs become more than one person can reasonably manage. Feeling guilty does not mean that you are inadequate or that you do not love your family member. It may simply be a sign that you are facing a difficult situation and need additional support.
Why do caregivers feel guilty about choosing senior living?
Many family caregivers feel that they should be able to care for their loved one on their own. They may worry that moving a loved one into a care community means they are giving up their responsibilities. In reality, choosing a senior living community can be a thoughtful decision that helps ensure a loved one receives the care, support, engagement, and attention they need.
Can senior living help reduce caregiver guilt?
A care community may help reduce some of the circumstances that contribute to caregiver guilt. When a loved one’s care needs are being met by a compassionate, professional team, family members may feel more comfortable knowing their loved one is safe and supported. This can allow family members to spend more meaningful time together without the constant pressure of providing hands-on care.
What is respite care, and how can it help caregivers?
Respite care provides short-term support for older adults while their usual caregiver takes a break. Respite stays may be helpful when a caregiver needs time for a vacation, personal responsibilities, their own health and well-being, or simply a much-needed break from caregiving responsibilities. Availability and care needs vary by community, so families should contact a local care community to learn more.
How can senior living help prevent caregiver burnout?
Care communities can help share the responsibilities of caring for a loved one. Professional caregivers may provide support with daily needs while also offering opportunities for social engagement, activities, and connection. This additional support can help prevent family caregivers from becoming overwhelmed and experiencing compassion fatigue or burnout.
Will I still be involved in my loved one’s care after they move into a senior living community?
Yes. Family members can continue to play an important role as advocates, partners, and loved ones. Care communities and families can work together to understand a resident’s preferences, needs, routines, and goals. For many families, this allows them to move away from the role of full-time caregiver and return to being a spouse, child, friend, or family member.
How can I stop feeling guilty about needing help with caregiving?
Start by recognizing that needing help does not mean you have failed. Consider what is contributing to your guilt. Are your loved one’s needs increasing? Are you feeling overwhelmed or burned out? Do you need a break? Understanding the source of your guilt can help you identify the right type of support, whether that means respite care, additional caregiving assistance, or exploring a long-term senior living option.
How can I find the right care community for my loved one?
Start by considering your loved one’s care needs, preferences, personality, and desired lifestyle. Visit communities, ask questions about care and daily life, and pay attention to how staff interact with residents and families. Connecting with a local care community can help you better understand your options and determine what type of support may be the right fit.
Can a care community help my loved one and my family?
Yes. The right care community can provide support for both residents and their families. When your loved one receives the care and engagement they need, you may be able to spend more quality time together and feel more confident in your role as an advocate and family member.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by caregiving or struggling with guilt about exploring senior living, you do not have to make the decision alone. Connect with a Radiant Senior Living community near you to schedule a personalized tour and learn how the right care setting may help take some of the weight off your shoulders.
