For most of us, whether teenagers finally getting a taste of independence, young adults exploring the country on a road trip, or older adults relying on their car to accomplish a plethora of to-dos, driving embodies freedom and independence. A freedom that would be hard to consider giving up.   

For many seniors, the thought of hanging up their keys leads to a sense of lost independence— of giving up the ability to leave the house, engage with friends, go shopping, and live freely. It also entails relying on others for transportation, which adds to many seniors’ concerns about “becoming a burden.”   

Senior driving safety is one of the most difficult issues to bring up for both you and your parents. However, starting the conversation is critical for their safety as well as the safety of everyone else on the road.  

How Can I Tell When My Aging Parent Needs to Stop Driving?

All drivers, regardless of age, must have the requisite physical and cognitive ability, good driving conduct, and driving skills, to drive safely.  

Signs that your loved one needs to stop driving include:  

• Delayed reaction time 

• Impulsive behavior or dangerous decision making 

• Distracted driving 

• Difficulties parking  

• New dings and scrapes on the vehicle, garage 

• Driving too quickly or too slowly for the road conditions   

• Consistently missing stop signs and other traffic signals 

• Inability to turn the head to examine blind spots 

• Difficulties seeing at night 

• Frequently getting lost, especially in familiar areas 

These signs can be easy to miss if you aren’t around your parents when they are driving. Being a passenger when your parents drive is one of the best methods to evaluate their driving abilities. If you’re traveling somewhere in different cars, talk to the people they’re riding with and pay attention when you’re following them.  

Starting the conversation: Approaches and Strategies 

Don’t wait until something happens to talk to your parents about your concerns. If your parents haven’t yet reached the stage where they need to stop driving, make a plan now for when they do. Involve your loved one – this should be an open dialogue. Ask for their input on when and how you should approach the topic. Something as simple as asking “How would you like me to approach you if I notice a change in your driving?” can go a long way in opening dialogue with your loved one.  

If your loved one is already having difficulty driving, express your concerns about any changes in their driving you’ve noticed, or any recent diagnosis that may affect their ability to drive, such as Alzheimer’s or other related dementia.  

Approach your Loved One with Compassion: 

When the time comes, approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, acknowledging the importance of driving for your parent’s independence. After all, driving means so much more than just getting from point A to point B. Foster a supportive environment where they can express their concerns and emotions without judgment through active listening.  

Begin talking to a loved one as soon as you notice the first indicators that driving is risky. Focus the discussion on their ability rather than their age. Emphasize the importance of safety as the primary motivation to stop driving. Share specific incidents or changes in their driving abilities that have raised concerns. You can help your parents understand the need for alternative transportation options by highlighting the potential risks.  

Reassure your parent that they won’t be alone during this transition. Offer your support and assistance with researching and organizing transportation alternatives. You can help alleviate their concerns and facilitate a smoother transition by showing your commitment to their well-being. 

You Don’t Have to do it Alone

It’s understandable that you may feel hesitant to broach this topic with your aging parents for fear that it will cause a strain on your relationship. The good news is, there is no need to venture into this unsupported. There are several resources you can utilize to help you and your loved one make this difficult transition.  

One great starting point is to take this self-assessment questionnaire from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. This questionnaire covers a series of topics that affect driver safety and offers suggestions on how to alleviate some issues that may allow your loved one to drive with a few adjustments to their habits, such as not driving at night, or wearing corrective lenses while driving.  

Your loved one’s medical provider is another excellent resource for determining if it’s time to hang up the keys.  When trying to persuade your loved one that they need to make a change, they may be more open to listening to their doctor’s impartial assessment rather than to their family. A doctor can explain why your loved one should stop driving and back up their assessment with medical reports and facts. This healthcare practitioner could be your parent’s optometrist or primary care physician.  

It’s important to note that, depending on what state you live in, medical providers may be required to report patients exhibiting impairments that affect driving ability to the DMV. In this instance, your loved one will be required to undergo a driving assessment, which may lead to loss of license. This assessment through the DMV can also be performed without a doctor’s suggestion. You can learn more by visiting your local DMV website and searching for their At-Risk Driver Program.  

Explore alternative transportation options: 

Having a transportation plan in place is a fantastic way to reassure your loved one that they can still get around. There are several alternatives for transportation available to help your loved one get where they need to go:  

Family and friends: It can be an excellent option to have your parent transported by a trustworthy and easily available family member or acquaintance. If there are one or two fixed days out of the week, the arrangement will be easier for everyone. 

Public transportation: Many cities provide senior residents with cheap or even free transportation. Do some research to find out what options are available in your area. 

Taxis or ride-sharing services: For those who do not require mobility assistance, various taxi companies or ride-sharing services such as Uber and Lyft are viable options. Customers can even book a pick-up day in advance with the bulk of these services. For seniors who are not confident in use of smartphone apps, services like GoGoGrandparent can help facilitate rides any time day or night.   

Senior Living Communities: Many seniors find that quitting driving is easier to manage if they live in a community where they can quickly access friends, delicious meals, and transportation services.  

Radiant Senior Living communities offer scheduled transportation services to care provider appointments, grocery stores, and offsite events and outings. Community settings meet seniors where they are, while providing the maximum possible independence – something that anyone can appreciate.